Pairing/Characters: Jensen/Misha, Jensen/Jared
Word count: 6.200
Summary: Jensen is a young model in New York on a party he meets the artist Misha Collins a new star in the world of art. What follows is an intens live with the eccentric artist. When Jensen follows his own interest the relationship breaks appart and a new man stepps in Jensens life.
Jensen would never forget the day he met HIM. It was one of those fancy New Yorker parties where to be seen was more important than the reason for the party. Jensen knew he was lucky that his modelling agency had been able to get him and four or five other models to this event.
At twenty two, he knew his time in the model business was limited and if this meant that he had to spend his Saturday evenings at strange art events, so be it.
He strode in in the middle of a flock of admirers, hoping for a glance or a word from the newest New Yorker art genius Misha Collins. Jensen was there to look pretty and give the whole event a modern stylish note. Misha was there to promote and sell his new art collection that was supposed to catapult him into the prime level of New York’s artists.
Jensen smiled back, a little bit unsure, when their eyes met across the room.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please excuse me for a second? I have discovered eternal beauty and my new muse.”
The people made room as the artist made his way to Jensen, bowing his head a little bit as a greeting, while he took Jensen’s hand, blowing a kiss on it and introducing himself.
“Hello beautiful, my name is Misha Collins. Who are you?” he greeted Jensen warmly. His whole posture showed gentlemanly confidence, andJensen had the feeling every single person in the room was staring at the two of them.
“I’m Jensen, Jensen Ackles,” Jensen stuttered out. He wasn’t usually shy, but he was feeling kind of like Cinderella, as though this was too good to be true.
“Jensen. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Would you like me to show you around?” Misha overplayed Jensen’s lack of confidence, simply taking his hand to lead him to the first drawing. He didn’t let go of Jensen’s hand the entire evening, introducing Jensen to other artists, photographers, reporters, millionaires and every important person in the room.
When the party came slowly to an end Misha pulled Jensen with him into his waiting limo: “Shall I drop you off at your place or would you like to have a coffee with me?” Misha asked, smiling gently at Jensen.
“I would love to have a coffee with you.” Jensen answered, knowing he wasn’t agreeing to just a beverage.
“God you’re so beautiful, just perfect for me.” Misha repeated when they were at Misha’s loft. Misha had started kissing and undressing Jensenas soon as the door closed behind them. Pushing Jensen down on his large bed in the middle of the room, he let his hands wander all over Jensen's body.
Jensen arched into his touch.He had been with other men before but none of them had been as skilled as Misha. His fingers played Jensen’s body like an instrument, setting his skin on fire, addicting Jensen to every move, every word right from the start. Pushing Jensen to the edge and pulling him back again, they made love for what seemed to Jensen like hours. When they finally tumbled over the edge together with Misha buried deep inside Jensen’s body, it was the most intense orgasm Jensen had ever had.
“God you’re perfect,” Misha whispered in Jensen’s ear before they both fell asleep.
Jensen woke the next morning to the sun shining bright and a cold and lonely loft. He hurried to get dressed; he didn’t want to overstep his welcome here.
“Are you leaving?” Misha asked, entering the loft with a paper cup of coffee, breakfast, and several newspapers.
“I didn’t want to overstay my welcome.” Jensen answered truthfully.
“Don’t be ridiculous breakfast is the least I should offer.” Misha said, aiming that smile at Jensen that made his knees go weak.
“And we both should check how we did last night.” For a little moment Jensen thought Misha meant the fantastic sex, and his look shifted unconsciously to the large bed still unmade in the middle of the room. Misha followed his look and laughed. “Don’t worry you were fantastic last night, but I was thinking more
about the party.”
He handed off the coffee and motioned for Jensen to join him at the kitchen counter while he laid out the breakfast he had brought.
“The most important one is the New York Times.” Misha explained. They sat next to each other so they could both read the paper. Jensen gasped when they finally found the society section. “New York’s newest star artist finds his muse.” There was a large photo of Jensen and Misha smiling at each other. “Misha Collins, new aspiring star of the New York art community opened his new exhibition last night. Our reporter was fascinated to witness Misha Collins (35) meet
his new muse, Jensen Ackles, (22) a fresh face and rising successful model. We all will be waiting impatiently to see the work the new muse will inspire. Blab bla bla …” Misha read out laud before turning to Jensen “We made it, Jensen! I knew we would be good together.” Misha beamed. “Oh I have to paint you. Everybody will want those pictures. They will sell just like that.”
Jensen spent the whole Sunday with Misha, and he didn’t paint Jensen just once, he painted his eyes, lips, back; studies, he called them. Jensen got dizzy just thinking about the implication.
The next months were a whirlwind of passion, love, sex and success. Two weeks after meeting Misha Jensen moved in with him. Misha painted Jensen all the time and between modelling for Misha his career as a model got a big boost, including the prestige job as the new face of Jean Paul Gautier. Living with the extravagant artist was fantastic and extreme. Parties, vernissage, events--Jensen sometimes got the feeling they only went home to have sex and work on a painting. He enjoyed being spoiled by his lover and Misha loved to spoil him.
The Darling serial, starring Jensen alone, was a huge success. Jensen almost got dizzy during opening night of the large exhibition. His eyes, obviously Misha had an obsession with his eyes, there were easily a dozen pictures of his eyes starring down at him, and everyone attending. There were also several pictures of him in different states of undress, including one that showed his naked backside.
“Looks like you don’t have a problem showing off what you got.” A man with salt and pepper hair said to Jensen while Misha explained to the press the difficulties in painting the right shades of green of Jensen’s eyes.
“No not when it’s wonderful art like this.” Jensen said with a smile.
“My name is Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I’m a producer and director and I’m casting for a new rom com movie. Maybe you would be interested? I would like to hear from you.” With that Morgan offered Jensen his card and walked away.
“What did Morgan want from you?” Misha asked late the next afternoon while they lay together in bed.
“He asked if I would like a part in his new movie.” Jensen told Misha proudly. He had asked around about Morgan at the party, his movies always played in New York and were always quite successful.
“He… he asked you … what?” Misha asked.
“He offered me a role in his new movie. Well, I'd have to go through the casting process, but he said…”
“Oh Jensen, baby, he just wanted to be polite. You’re not an actor.” Misha laughed.
“Well I used to do school plays back home,” Jensen objected.
“You can’t seriously compare your school acting to having a role in a movie, Jensen. I know that every model dreams about becoming an actor, but baby stick to the stuff you know how to do.”
The next day Jensen sat in a café looking at the card Morgan had given to him. Misha was off giving an interview and Jensen didn’t know what to do. Had Morgan just been polite as Misha had said, or was he really interested in Jensen? Well there was just one way to find out. He took his smart phone out and dialled Morgan’s number.
Five years later:
“Misha hurry up, we’re going to be late.” Jensen called again. They were supposed to be at the premiere of Jensen’s first action movie in less than an hour.
“I will not go.” Misha answered walking out of the bathroom still dressed in dirty old jeans and a t-shirt with colour stains.
“What? Why? This is important for me, Misha. This is my first leading role. This could be my step in…”
“I … I… I… me… me… me… That is all you know Jensen. Sometime you’re so self- centered. This movie is too commercial for my taste. There is no art in it. I am an artist, Jensen! And I will not go.”
“Right. It is an action movie, but it is really important to me to share this moment with you.” Jensen pleaded but Misha had walked back to his paintings. “Do it for me,” Jensen pleaded again.
“I’ve got work to do.” Misha didn't even turn to face him.
Jensen took a deep breath. This wasn’t the first time they had fought, or that Misha complained about Jensen being selfish. Jensen hated fighting but he had a feeling that Misha found it inspiring, always rushing back to his atelier to put his latest inspiration on canvas.
With a sigh, Jensen turned around and walked out of the loft. He wouldn’t let Misha´s eccentric behaviour ruin his evening.
The evening ended with an appointment for the next week with a new director, and he and Misha fighting again after Jensen shared the great news and, finally, Jensen sleeping on the couch.
A couple of days later, Misha had gracefully forgiven Jensen for being so selfish; they were at an event to raise money for a youth center in the Bronx. Jensen was surrounded by admirers and fans; his latest movie was turning out to be a blockbuster. He had lost Misha in the crowd and started looking for his boyfriend, when a man slightly older than him stepped in his way.
“Hi, I’m Chris Kane and this is my partner, Steve Carlson. We are so happy you could make it to our party. We weren’t sure we would be still being on your list of events now that you…” he trailed off, not sure how to end his sentence.
“What Chris is trying to say is, thank you!” Steve stepped in. “With you and your partner here, the center gets some publicity it needs. We've only just started with the planning, and there's a lot to do to get this place up and running. We need an architect, contractors, building crews, carpenters, electricians, plumbers. And when all that's done we're going to need teachers, trainers, supplies of all kinds--and we need a whole lot of money to fund it all." He looked a little overwhelmed, even as he was still eager and hopeful about their project. "I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”
“Why do you need an architect?” Jensen asked, really interested.
“The building, where the center is now, is going to be demolished in a couple of months, so we're planning a new building, and we need people who can make the space work for our purposes.”
The three of them talked for a long while about the center and the ideas Chris and Steve had for it. By the end of the evening they exchanged telephone numbers and Jensen promised to stay in touch, because this project touched him.
He was ready to leave but still hadn’t found Misha, untilhe discovered his boyfriend stoned and drunk among some shady folks in a back room.
“Misha, what are you doing?” Jensen hissed at Misha. Both of them had often expressed a no drugs policy to the press, and now Misha was clearly stoned and drunken--and there were still a couple of reporters hanging around in the next room.
“Oh my muse has finally found me.” Misha called drunkenly across the room. “Are you done ignoring me for tonight?”
“I didn’t ignore you; I talked to our hosts about their newest project. Could we please just go home?”
The next couple of month were both easily the best and the hardest time in Jensen’s life. On the good side, his latest movie left all expectations behind and landed Jensen on the A-list of movie stars. And Steve and Chris became his closest friends, grounding him and giving him an anchor in his turbulent life. On the bad side was his relationship with Misha.Since his acting career had started to become really, really successful, Misha had grown more and more demanding. If Jensen had an appointment with his producers, Misha expected him to model for him. If Jensen wanted to meet with a new director to discuss a project; Misha wanted him to go with him to an art exhibition to promote his art.
The press played it all up, magnifying their differences for the public. Every time Jensen or Misha showed up without his partner the speculations went flying if they had separated or fought again. For Jensen it was terrible, his relationship with Misha had always been a rollercoaster ride, extreme and eccentric and very public but they had always treasured their home and their moments together. Now his only refuge was with Steve and Chris. More than once he slept on their couch rather than going home, because Misha and he had been fighting again.
It was after a really bad fight that Chris and Steve sat him down in the middle of the night to talk to him.
“Jensen you know you’re welcome to stay here, but this isn’t healthy.” Steve said looking at him seriously.
“Look at you,” Chris continued for his partner “your eyes have dark rings, you haven’t slept in what? Two days? And when was the last time you had a decent meal? Your fights with Misha are wearing you down; you can’t get sick over fighting with him.”
“I know, but that’s just a phase, Misha and I are good together.” Chris and Steve exchanged looks but didn’t say anything. They would be there for Jensen when (yes when and not if) Misha would throw his next tantrum.
Jensen returned the next afternoon to their loft. As he opened the door he could hear voices coming from the living area.
“Misha I’m ba…” Jensen stopped mid sentence he couldn’t believe what he saw: a young good looking guy was laid over the couch and Misha was fucking him from behind. Jensen was speechless. How could Misha do this? They were good together! Why?
Misha looked up from the boy under him: “I didn’t expect you back so early.” He said stepping away from the boy, zipping up his pants and putting on a shirt.
“How could you?” Jensen whispered and tears stung in his eyes but he refused to let them fall.
“Oh Jenny please, how could I not? Everything you do is important. My art, my work doesn’t count anymore. I need more room to spread my wings and explore. Your stupid acting hobby is more important to you than my art. I can´t and will not tolerate that anymore. In Matt here I found my new muse. I expect you to be packed and moved out of here by the time we get back.”
Dragging the young man behind him (he was still pulling on his pants and shirt) Misha went around Jensen and let the door slam as they left.
Jensen stared at the closed door. He was too shocked to feel anything. He went to the closet, got his suitcases, and hurriedly packed his toiletries from the bathroom and most of his clothing. He would have to come back—or send someone—to pick up his books, his DVDs, his art, his family and professional photos, the scripts and photos he'd saved from his movie projects, and anything else that had become part of "their" home. After he was done he called a cab and left. He checked into the Lexington Hotel and called Steve and Chris so he wouldn’t be alone.
Meeting Jared was uneventful. There was no big entry, no big party and no reporters. It was ten month after Jensen had moved out. He was working on another movie and would start filming next month. The new project had helped him to take his mind off of Misha. The press had been relentless predators, taking every opportunity to showoff Misha with his new love, while photographers tracked Jensen's every movement, attempting to prove how lost and devastated he was now that he was alone, without his mentor and love.
Today was Steve’s birthday and his friend had invited him over for a little barbecue. When Jensen arrived at the birthday party, about ten people were gathered in the back yard around the grill. Jensen loved to hang out with his friends; with them he could just be himself.
“Jensen! You made it!” Steve greeted him.
“Nice party! Happy birthday.”
“Thank you, go grab a burger before Chris and Jared eat everything.”
Jensen walked over to the grill. Next to Chris was a really tall guy, with his back to Jensen.
“Hi Jensen!” Chris greeted him. “I don't think you've met Jared. This is Jared Padalecki, the architect for our new youth center.”
Jared shook his hand. Jensen was used to people getting more than a little excited to meet him. Not so Jared, he greeted Jensen warmly but turned back to Chris to continue their conversation, much to Chris' delight. Didn’t Jared know who he was? It would take a little time for Jensen to figure out Jared didn’t care for fame the way most people did. Jensen just joined their conversation, enjoying for once not being the center of discussion.
It quickly became obvious that Jared knew who he was, referring to him as one of the main sponsors. Soon there was an animated discussion: “If you’re interested I could show you what the plans look like.”
“I would love that.” Jensen answered as he looked up into eyes he couldn't say for sure what colour they were.
Jensen found himself in a little office a couple of days later, looking over construction plans.
“Do you live here?” Jensen asked.
“What? No this is my work place, for me and my partner, Chad Murray. I have a little apartment two blocks from here. As much as I enjoy my work there has to be some difference between work and private life, don’t you think?”
Jensen was caught off guard. With Misha it had been all work and art and living, no boundaries, no holding back.
“I don’t …“ Jensen stammered.
Jared unrolled several large sheets of paper, laying the short stack of them flat on the table and weighting the corners with stapler, pencil cup, a long ruler, and a smooth rock, apparently on his desk just for that purpose. “Here are the plans," He smoothed the sheets with his hand. "What do you think?”
“What?” Jensen asked surprised, he had come here to look at the draft Jared had made. He hadn’t expected to be asked for his opinion.
“What do you think?” Jared asked again, a dimple appearing in his cheek when he smiled at Jensen. “You spent a lot of money on this project. Surely you had an idea what it should look like.”
“Well I’m not qualified for…” he trailed off again, wondering what it was that reduced him to a stuttering Idjit. Whatever it was, Jared didn’t seem to mind.
“I don’t expect statistics or such from you, I'd just like to hear your opinion.”
Jensen nodded and looked closer at the plans, studying the details he could understand, and asking questions about the ones he didn’t. Soon he and Jared were engaged in an animated discussion about the center.
“It's too bad that some kids don’t go to the center.” Jared said when they came to an end.
“What do you mean?” Jensen asked.
“There are many kids that don’t go there because they think it’s more for little kids and would be too boring for them.”
“What can you do?” Jensen asked.
“I don’t know. You should ask Chris or Steve. They have some ideas.”
Jensen nodded. “Okay, I will.”
Jensen saw the young architect quite often during the next weeks, and Jared stayed on Jensen's mind. Steve and Chris had invited Jensen and Jared over for a work dinner, nothing fancy, more work than dinner.
“You two work well together.” Steve observed, while he and Jensen carried the empty plates back into the kitchen.
“He told me that some kids don’t come to the center,” Jensen said.
“Yes that’s true.”
“They think it is more fun to hang out in the streets.”
Jensen shook his head in dismay. “Is there anything I could do?”
Jensen hadn’t meant to voice it like that, but Steve seemed to have been waiting for just this question for a long time. “You could teach acting at the center.”
“What? I can’t … I …” Jensen shook his head in doubt.
“You'd be great at it.” Steve urged. "And the kids would love it. They'd learn a lot, too."
There was more discussion over coffee, with Chris, and even Jared, urging him to try working with the neighborhood kids, until eventually, Jensen agreed to try. So, a model and an actor, now Jensen would also become a teacher.
Meeting Jensen was an interesting experience for Jared. Of course he had known who Jensen was when they were introduced to each other. A little bemused, Jared saw that Jensen was more than a little surprised that Jared didn't seem impressed with him being a star. But Jared had to admit that Jensen was impressive. As he got to know the actor better, he learned to value his opinion and his dedication to the center. Being around Jensen was great, interesting, and stupid and unexpected as it was, he fell in love with Jensen. How could he not? Jensen was gorgeous, smart and great to be around.
It was a couple of days after their working dinner at Steve and Chris' place that he realised that he was in love with Jensen.
“Fuck!” It was a workday, and Jared and Chad were in their office.
“What?” Chad asked.
“I think I’m in love.” It came out more like a curse than a declaration of love.
“Okay," Chad said, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "And who's the lucky one?”
After finishing college together, the two of them had opened their business, with big dreams and high-flying plans to build houses, office buildings, and shopping malls.
The youth center was their first big project and Chad and Jared were both excited to work on it, even if Jared did most of the work.
“You won’t like it.” Jared admitted, eyeing Chad warily. “Jensen Ackles.”
“No way! The actor? I thought you were smarter than that.”
“I thought so too, but Jensen, he's … great, fantastic, funny and drop dead beautiful.”
Chad's brow furrowed faintly. “But isn’t he together with that artist Collins?”
“Not anymore,” Jared couldn't sound sorry about that.
“And is he ready for something new?” Chad asked, a teasing note surfacing in his voice.
“Oh Chad, please stay realistic.”
“I am realistic," Chad was suddenly serious, and remarkably sincere for someone not usually either of those things. "Everybody who gets to be together with you should consider himself lucky. It’s time you start valuing yourself more.”
Jared found it impossible to not think about Jensen, or to avoid him. The youth center was the most important contract Jared and Chad had managed to achieve so far. Maybe Jensen would think Jared was only interested in him because of the fame? Ridiculous, but possible, so Jared decided to take action and on one of their next meetings he asked Jensen: “Would you like to have dinner with me?”
“We eat together all the time," Jensen said, not even looking up.
“No I mean a date.” That had Jensen's attention.
“You want me to go on a date with you?” He seemed really surprised, which gave Jared hope.
“Yes. Mr Ackles, would you do me the honour and join me for dinner Saturday evening?” Jared asked making a little bow.
“I… I would really like that.” He smiled at Jared, and Jared's dimples made an appearance in answer.
They met at a nice Italian restaurant. Jared had asked for a private table and since he knew the owner they were seated in a quiet corner where no one would bother them. When they said goodbye in front of Jared’s apartment, Jensen kissed him on the cheek, but he stayed close, breathing in Jared’s scent. He whispered: “I really enjoyed this evening.”
“I did too.”
“Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Yes. Sure. I wait for your call.” Jared's whisper was a little breathless.
By 6 p.m. Jensen hadn’t called and Jared was pacing in front of his land line phone and holding his cell phone in his hand because he didn’t knowwhich number Jensen would call. He jumped when there was a knock on his door.
“Hi, I thought it might be better if I show up in person.” Jensen said as a greeting.
“Please come in.” Jared invited him with a grin
Jared motioned toward the sofa, and Jensen sat on the edge of the seat cushion, looking a little bit nervous when he spoke. “I wanted to talk to you, so you would understand. I just separated from my former boyfriend, the artist Misha Collins. We were together for more than five years and it … was intense. I know that Misha will not be coming back to me, he has a new boyfriend and you can read in every damn magazine how happy they are. I still love him and miss him but I have to accept that it's over between us."
"I really, really like you Jared and I like to spend time with you, but you deserve to know that I’m still in love with Misha, and I don’t know if that will ever change. You make me happy and…”
“I don’t care.” Jared interrupted “I take everything you give me Jensen. I… I love you. I know it’s too early to say it but this is how I feel and if you like to spend your time with me that makes me the happiest person in the world.” Jared knelt between Jensen’s spread legs and took his face in both hands. He looked deep into Jensen’s wonderful green eyes waiting for a nodded yes before slowly pressing his lips on Jensen’s. The kiss was nothing Jared had felt before and the best thing was Jensen responded by opening his mouth and let Jared’s tongue in to play. Jensen pulled Jared closer intensifying the kiss.
“Oh god. Jared.” Jensen breathed into Jared’s mouth. “I want you.”
“You have me.” Jared whispered back.
He got up, pulling Jensen along into his bedroom. Jared pulled his shirt over his head.
“I don’t know…” Jensen started.
“I want to feel you.” Jared said almost in the same moment.
Jensen just stared at Jared.
“Don’t you want me?” Jared asked.
“Sure I want you--it’s just I almost never topped certainly never with…”
Before Jensen could say “Misha,” Jared was there, silencing him with another kiss.
“Fuck me, Jensen. I want you. Please make love to me.” Jared asked, before pulling his pants and boxers off and lying naked on his bed.
Jensen was tender, almost hesitant and a considerate lover. Pushing into Jared’s tight heat Jensen seemed lost in a feeling of unknown bliss.
When they laid together in bed Jensen said: “I hope you know what you got yourself into, Jared.”
“I'll take anything I can get. No regret, Jensen, no regret.”
What followed was the happiest time in Jared’s life. It wasn’t the high society lifestyle, even when the people he met now were very helpful. It wasn’t the press announcing Jensen’s new boyfriend and showing their dedication for social projects like the youth center. It wasn’t even his business getting more and more work.
No, it was Jensen. Jensen made him happy, made him whole, and Jared just hoped he was allowed to return all that for Jensen.
Jensen’s career had taken a turn to more serious movies, more talk, a little less action. Misha and his boyfriend were no longer a topic in the news and after they announced they would be touring Europe, Jared hadn’t heard from them again, and that had been four years ago.
He and Jensen had moved to a nice town house, they talked about getting married and adopting a child. Life was good, no, life was fantastic, if you asked Jared. Of course that was when it all changed.
It was the Christmas party at the youth center, and there were a lot of reporters running around. Jared hated these events but he knew they were necessary in order to collect money for the center and their work. He and Jensen held hands, smiling at the cameras. An hour or two into the party, everything stopped.
“Jensen, baby, there you are. Have you missed me?” With a confident smile, Misha Collins stepped in front of Jared and Jensen. Totally ignoring Jared, he only had eyes for Jensen.
“It’s so good to see you. Let’s find a quiet corner, so we both can talk.”
He took Jensen’s hand and pulled him along, leaving Jared behind.
Unable to speak, or move, Jared stared after Misha and Jensen as they walked away from him.
That was it.
That was it, when you loved someone who was still in love with someone else.
Reporters discovered Misha and Jensen pretty fast. “Are you two together again?” “After your last exhibition was a quiet failure, will there be another Darling series?”
Jared couldn’t and didn’t want to listen anymore; quietly he slipped out of the back entrance.
Jensen couldn’t believe his luck. Misha was there and Misha still wanted him, was still in love with him. The reporters were still swarming around them and Misha held tight to Jensen’s hand.
“If you would excuse us.” Jensen finally managed to put in when Misha took a breath. “We are here to support a youth center and not to promote an art show that hasn't even been painted, let alone been hung.”
Nodding his goodbye, Jensen stepped away. He had spotted Chris and Steve and wanted to talk to them. “Have you seen who's back?” Jensen asked them. “Misha! Can you believe that?” He gave the answer before they could speak. But Chris regained his speech soon enough.
“Yes. Unbelievable, Jensen!” Chris said coldly.
“What do you mean?”
“Look at this circus,” Steve said, pointing to Misha who was still talking to the reporters. “He isn’t here to promote our organisation; he is here to promote himself.”
“Jensen, you said he was eccentric, we saw it more as him manipulating you into staying small. You let yourself be dragged around in Misha's wake back then. And now he didn’t let you answer a single question from the reporters without adding his own spin, or "correcting" you about it. When he's around, you become quiet and dim." Chris said. He took a breath and looked his friend in the eye. "When Jared is around you, you shine.” Chris told Jensen the truth.
And Jensen suddenly realized, Jared! Where was Jared? Jensen had completely forgotten Jared!
He searched among the moving crowd of people couldn’t find his friend, boyfriend, lover and finance.
“If you’re looking for Jared, he left.” Steve said, recalling Jensen to his current reality. “And I might add: he put you back together, he made you better, and if you still want that self-centered prick over there, you’re more stupid than I ever thought.”
Jensen looked at his friends in some shock. “I thought you liked Misha,” he objected.
“No, not really.” They both said grinning. “I think you have a decision to make, Jensen.” Chris said seriously. Jensen nodded; they were right, time to grow up.
Jensen opened the door of his home. It was dark inside. Where was Jared? He had expected him to be here but he wasn’t. Jensen got himself a beer and took his favourite seat on the couch.
He looked around their home, realising for the first time, yes, this was a home. Not a fancy loft but a warm and cosy home. Maybe that was what love could look like too. Not the loud and dramatic thing he had had with Misha but a quieter and secure way. With Misha his life had been a rollercoaster ride, wild and at the end, sickening. With Jared, life was like a walk on a sunny Sunday morning, bright and relaxed and easy.
And with a sudden clarity, Jensen realized he loved Jared. He didn’t know when he had started, but he did. In that moment he heard the front door open and Jared came into the living room. He looked surprised to see Jensen here and his eyes were red rimmed as if he'd been crying, but his voice was steady when he said,
“I didn’t expect you here.”
“Can we talk?” Jensen asked.
“What is there to talk about?” Jared returned, also getting a beer and taking a seat opposite from Jensen (and not his usual seat on the couch with Jensen). “You never made a secret out of the fact that you were still in love with Misha. So it shouldn’t surprise me, that when he showed up you left me in front of a whole Christmas party without even a word.”
Jared sounded bitter and sad and Jensen didn’t like it and he didn’t like the fact that he was the reason for it.
“Jared I know you’re sad and upset with me and you have every right to be. When I was younger I had this dream of how love should be. I had always this idea, this fantasy, that love must be loud and extreme. I told everybody how much I loved my life with Misha, and I never saw how great my life is now. Love doesn't have to be loud and extreme; it can be tender and quiet. And sometimes Mr. Right isn’t the one who shouts everything out, but the one who treasures his private moment. I know, I never said that before and four years is an awfully long time to wait for the other person to say it, but it’s true: I love you Jared.”
Jared sat there and looked at Jensen. “Wow, I never expected that, Jensen. You told me from the start that I was second choice for you, and I accepted that. Through the years you told me so much of your time with Misha that I never expected to be good enough for you. When you walked away tonight with him, I thought that was it. Misha snaps his finger and you run back to him. But what I told you four years ago is still true: I love you and I take everything you give me. But please keep in mind that it is my heart you are playing with. I’m not a doormat, not for you or for Misha or for anybody else.”
“I know Jared, and I’m sorry.” Jensen got up and crossed the space separating them. He kneeled before Jared and kissed him tenderly. “Make love to me Jared.” Jensen pleaded.
“What?” Jared asked, surprised. In their time together Jared had always bottomed, knowing that Misha had always insisted on topping Jensen, Jared had seen this as a way to show love could be different. Jensen had seen it as a way to hold back and control, just like Misha had done it. For Jensen to give this up, proved for Jared that Jensen was trying to show him that he had changed.
He laid Jensen out right there in the living room on the soft carpet, right under the Christmas tree. They undressed each other, kissing every newly exposed stretch (or swath) of skin. Jared opened Jensen slowly and carefully, knowing Jensen hadn’t done this in a very long time and Jared was well endowed. Jensen became a bubbling mess under Jared’s skilled hands.
Why hadn’t they switched before? Jared had large hands and he knew how to use them. When Jared finally pushed into him, they both groaned from the unfamiliar sensation.
“Jared please move,” Jensen all but begged. They came together embarrassingly fast and laughed both at their missing stamina, but set up round number two after some minutes.
They were still naked under the Christmas tree when the first light of dawn shone through the window, painting Jensen and Jared in golden light. Amid kisses breathed and whispered, they spoke promises into each others' ears, “Merry Christmas.”